Ideal Homes?

House with extension on stiltsThis week, whilst indulging in an apple turnover, I came to the conclusion that we should follow in the footsteps of Sarah Beeny. My partner eyed me suspiciously from behind his newspaper when I decided to share this revelation.

‘What… buy a dilapidated stately home that we can’t afford and have a truckload of kids?’

I studied him strangely.

‘No. I meant follow her advice and “double your house for half the money”.

He rolled his eyes, tutted and returned to his paper.

Undefeated, I voiced my plans to my downstairs neighbour the next day, as he caught me putting rubbish in his bin (mine was full). Adopting the air of a seasoned property developer, I explained how the stilts needed to support the first floor extension might encroach on to his garden… a tad.

‘But that would block out my light,’ he retorted.

I encouraged him to look at the positives – he’d inherit a carport. I have to say I was disappointed with his negativity.

‘But I haven’t got a car.’

‘Well, you could keep your motorbike there,’ I offered constructively. I had to do something to buoy up the proceedings and counteract the pessimism.

‘I haven’t got one of those either.’ He was beginning to get on my nerves.

‘Well buy one then,’ I suggested as a parting shot, just before he slammed the door in my face.

The call from the architect came later that day.

‘I can’t find you. I’m standing outside a maisonette – I mustn’t have the right address…’

It was at this point that his voice trailed off as he caught me waving frantically to him from the balcony. The phone went dead. I shouted to him, but he feigned ignorance as he got back into his car and drove off. Some people are so rude – I don’t know how he has any clients with that attitude.

So the moral of the story is that there has to be three things in place before you can even consider realising this dream:

  1. you need a shedload of money
  2. you need a shedload of space
  3. you need neighbours that aren’t totally selfish and won’t raise the barricades the moment you mention building plans.

And the solution to all this… just move.

Image credit: siraanamwong / 123RF Stock Photo

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